|
7/22/2002
well, i'm back. and i don't guess you are surprised to know that i'm here to complain/vent or whatever you want to call what i'm about to do. this summer has been such a rollercoaster. and i don't just mean it has had its ups and downs...it is more the whole sudden drops, cork screws, and sharp curves that upset me the most. there are so many things that i can't figure out. there are so many questions that i want to ask someone who will have the right answers. there are so many thoughts in my head that i want to verbalize to the appropriate people. but i just can't get up the nerve.
and whenever i get in this blah mood, i always manage to make things worse by reading old emails or icq histories. i should just delete it all, but that stuff makes me smile sometimes too.
i'm just feeling needy right now. within hours i'll be "celebrating" my one year anniversary of being single. i guess that is partially why i'm so blahish right now....but, basically, i have this overwhelming want for someone in my life. i've finally realized that david pike isn't going to change any time soon. its pretty obvious that since i cut off the kissing, he hasn't been too interested in seeing me. i've realized that even though david high apoloziged, he'll never be the david he once was to me. but anyway, i'm ready to move on. i need to get away from the memories. stop living in the past and such. i need that stability in my life. call me selfish, but i want someone (almost) completely devoted to me. i want that someone who sincerely cares about how my day was and who i can always think of with a smile. i almost feel desperate here. i even gave my mom the okay to hook me up. how pathetic, right? but writing about it all here, isn't really making it any better.
well, gtown gals, just be glad i'm not at school right now. i don't think you'd want to mess with this basketcase. just pray that i make it off the rollercoaster before aug 26th, or you're in for it! hehe!
i just finished my 16th straight day of work. maybe this adds to my negativity right now.
that means i've also finished band camp. no more!!! never again!! it is such a relief. but i feel somewhat proud of what i accomplished in the past two weeks. not any one could have done what i did...i like to think, at least.
after working the remainder of the week, i'll be off for FOUR days! i'm trying to come up with plans so i really can't agree to work for someone. i need these four days like i need a boy! hehe!
anyway, i'm thinking about going to louisville and visiting tracy and maybe jennifer! and i have to spend time with my mom sometime b/c of her birthday. i'd be up for just about anything as long as it isn't work. so, graceland, peeps? haha.that was for you dvance.
anyway, i'm sleepy so i might as well finish this depressing blog and sleep!
but really guys, im okay. just stuck in a rut and confused. i just need to speak with my heart more.
jenny 11:36 PM
|