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8/13/2002
So maybe I’ll write a blog tonight that isn’t completely centered around negativity. No promises on where this blog will end up, however.
I’m sitting here after a pretty decent day of not doing a whole lot. Right now my choices of things to do is limited. Basically shopping on ebay, blogging and going in my room and thinking are my only three non-noisy choices. We know I can’t afford anymore ebay shopping and thinking has never been a good idea, so here we are.
I actually slept in this morning. I awoke at 9:45 to my cell phone ringing. My mom was calling to invite me to the lake. Man I wanted to go so badly b/c I love to ski and I haven’t been in a really long time. But, I had already made plans to spend my day with sydney. After the phone call, I got up, showered, did some laundry and sat around infront of the TV for awhile. I also made a dentist appt. This pissed me off. Something is wrong here…. I’ve been on the waiting list since july after I canceled my appt b/c of guard camp and I decided I better go ahead and make one for a Friday afternoon. The earliest date I could get on a Friday after 12 was November first. Isn’t that some shit? I could have five cavities in my mouth right now and not know it. By november my teeth could all rot out. Maybe a dentist shouldn’t have so many patients if he/she can’t provide the needed services within a month’s time.
Enough about matters I can’t do anything about. WAIT isn’t that what my life is full of, matters I can’t do anything about? Anyway. Happy thought happy thoughts.
Finally, my day began with sydney. Our entertainment consisted primarily of reading books and going back and forth between the house and the worm building. I swear this child knows things no other 2-year-old does… I had a great time with her and possibly my last complete day with her before school starts. Sad times….
Later in the day I took mammy to town (aka t-ville) to go to the grocery. I managed some free light bulbs, hangers and laundry detergent so not a bad trip.
After that, I ate dinner and helped my crazy aunt paula hem some pants. I got to show-off my awesome sewing skills. It was sort of fun b/c I think she was impressed. “did mammy teach you how to do this?” she asked. “not really, I just picked it up by watching I guess..” I decided that a perfectionist like me can do pretty much anything if the time is infinite. I’m so slow when I sew b/c I double, triple-check every stitch. Really, it annoys the hell out of me. But today’s goal was to keep my mind off everything that upset me last night and I have been pretty successful at that so I am happy.
I’m gradually becoming excited about going back to georgetown. Each day, the idea of being surrounded by girls becomes a bit more inviting. I guess I’m ready to catch up on the lives I’ve been absent from for the past three months.
I wonder what sarah really felt about knoxville, and what all kinds of cool stuff she did b/c I haven’t talked to her much at all! How is her relationship with chris? Does she have another love interest?
Tori…well, I know she has had a blast, but I have to see this tattoo and blond streak in her hair for myself… and I have to hear some more about the craziness in WI and see some pics.
Ali…what is really going on with you and Mark? I’ve been curious since I saw you at the parent-teacher store…and again in the parking lot the other day. I want to know details. You better not hold out on me.
Jennifer McKinney, I want to see your new car and take it for a test ride. You know you’ll be driving everywhere we go now! And we have to share sydney and blake stories…they will be married someday!
Farrah! You have to see all my new shoes. You are the only one who will appreciate them. And I need to hear some good bo stories and fail at resisting cheesecake or some other completely unhealthy chocolate like dessert from you… hehe.
Who else? Well, you get the picture. I’m trying to psych myself up for this returning thing. Im only dreading classes, like everyone I guess. And the lack of boys in my life. I really need to combine the two separate lives I live. It would make for a much healthier situation I believe.
Anyway, now that I’ve pumped myself up a little, I want to reflect on the summer – how it has been different than I expected.
Going into the summer, I really didn’t know what to expect. I had mixed feelings. I was worried, nervous, and almost scared, yet I was excited and ready for whatever it was going to bring me. Looking back, I think I expected the worse. I knew that ben and ranjana weren’t coming home and that automatically decreased the number for big group hang-outs. I knew that carrie would be with shane every waking (and sleeping for that matter) minute and I’d rarely see her. And those are about the only things that happened like I expected.
Other thoughts: I figured I wouldn’t be speaking to david high much. I figured it would be completely awkward when we were around one another and the knot in my stomach b/c of it would dampen anything fun I was doing. Instead, I got a visit to georgetown, an apology, a few emails, a few good discussions, tons of hugs and smiles, a little bit of awkwardness, and overall a good time.
With david pike, I had no clue what I would get. I didn’t know if we’d pretty much be dating again or if we wouldn’t speak much or if everything would just be awkward. I guess I honestly expected to atleast stay in contact with one another and stuff. I don’t guess I expected to cut the benefits off b/c lord knows I like benefits, but I did. But I don’t really think I was ready for what really has happened, or what might be happening within the next few days with him. (side thought: whenever I do speak to him, I think I’m going to tell him that I’m not writing, calling, or stopping by ever again. I’ll tell him that I’ve tried hating him and I can’t do it and I’ve failed at not caring. I’m going to tell him that by cutting off communication on my part doesn’t mean that I won’t think about him and wonder how he is. It will only keep me from being rejected as a friend when I write him and get no response. I want him to know that I don’t appreciate people who break promises and don’t enjoy those who portray three different lives. I want him to know how shitty some stuff has been for me and advise him not to do it to his future girlfriends. I also want him to tell me what I may have done wrong in our relationship that I could fix in the future. Hell, I know I wasn’t perfect, but I may be oblivious to some things I did. Whoa….gotta stop this now…back to my other train of thought)
Finally, I had a preconceived idea of how my relationship with david vance would be this summer. After he visited me on reading day last semester, I knew it was going to be fun with him around. However, I really didn’t know how the experience of david vance without ranjana would be. I’ve never seen the ranjana-less david for an extended period of time. For all I knew, he was going to go into seclusion or depression or just turn completely weird. The library job almost got the seclusion part accomplished, but other than that, I believe he has remained healthy. I believe I have david to thank for me hanging in there at times this summer. As he well knows, he has received the “best friend for the summer 2002” award. And I can’t really pinpoint why. It just seems like he has been there the most this summer. Always calling to check to see what was happening, always chipper and excited to see me no matter what the situation. Willing to listen to me complain and inviting me to graceland, what more could one ask for. Although I missed ranjana’s company this summer, I enjoyed experiencing a different shade of dvance. Thanks, david.
Oh yeah, there is also michael. This has been a realy shocker. After hanging out last christmas and talking on ICQ so much, I thought for sure that we’d hang out a lot this summer. However, for some reason we haven’t. I’ve seen him a total of five times in three months and it is pretty sad. But SOMEHOW, despite the small amount of time I’ve spent with him, dhigh and dvance are completely certain that I have a crush on him. What in the world? I can’t see their reasoning at all. I really don’t like him like that and I can’t say anything to try to prove my point. Oh well, I guess it has been a funny joke. Maybe when I get back to school, I can catch up on his life a bit.
And there is matt garrett…he has shocked me too. Since the tattoo, he has gotten his lip peirced and a girlfriend. He wasn’t around this summer much at all and I missed his company for games and frisbee golf.
And surprisingly, I’ve been around matt humphrey more than I expected. Since I scored him a job at T and C, I’ve seen him quite a bit. And I love him b/c he always laughs at my stupid, not really joke-like jokes. It is great. Maybe he does this just b/c I laugh at everything he says/does. Haha
So, overall, what is my take on the summer? I must say that it is hard to think “it has been a really great summer” b/c of everyone else’s opinion of it. I heard “man, this summer stinks,” “I can’t wait to get to BG,” and “the next “X number” of weeks is going to go by so slow” and such things way too many times. It really stinks when I feel it has been fun and others have such negative opinions about it. Everyone seemed to have something so much better to look forward to when school starts while I was just living for the day hoping for a good game of taboo. I don’t know how to explain what I’m trying to say but I’m saying that maybe we didn’t have as much fun this summer as we have in the past, but wishing away the summer wasn’t the best way to make the best out of the given situation. it stinks thinking maybe I’ve lost some of my funness and I’m sorry if that is the case. I try, I really do. Oh well, so on the most part, I guess I can say that my summer has been a lot better than what I expected. And I’m sorry if that opinion isn’t consistent across those people I’ve been around.
With that, I think I’ll conclude. I’ve been typing for way too long and I need to get some sleep now. Goodnight!
jenny 11:41 PM
I've got to stop living in the past. damn, this is killing me. you'd think ol' jenny starnes would learn after so long, but nothing seems to keep me from the old email files.
gosh, it pisses me off that all i ever blog about these days is the shit going on in my life or whatever.
whatever happened to the happy jenny?
i guess i'm still here, i think. i pretend to be atleast.
i really do have fun though. i had a great time in BG last night and today. but i just think too much. i always consider the past and dream about the future.
i've got to talk to david pike before i go crazy. thats all there is to it. but what do i say if i ever get him in front of me? damn.
think happy, think happy, think happy.
i get to see sydney tomorrow and i'm going to squeeze the crap out of that little girl!
jenny 12:09 AM
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